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Thursday, August 18th, 2005

    Time Event
    9:53p
    Poetry
    Welcome to my world... I get pissed or depressed or just in the mood to write poetry... well here is some of my work... it's nothing professional and its all open ended... and I feel like this is the perfect time for poetry... Moms pissed at me, dad hasn't talked to me in three years, Jason is depressed because of his past, I'm getting depressed because I can't help him, I can't even help myself... yeah I know all of these are on da but not everyone here has a da account and I feel like letting everyone read the crap I write...

    This is one of my newest I just wrote it today

    Peices of Glass
    The dove flys high in the midnight sky.
    Stars that blaze brightly at night.
    My world shatters, like glass.
    A thousand peices lost.
    Thousands more gained.
    Memories put away to cry about another day.
    New broken glass peices entering sight.
    Every new place and every new face another shard.
    Another forgotten day.
    Another memeory left to fade away.
    Dawn and darkness bleak as rain.
    There is always so much pain.
    Trying to escape the prison of a mind.
    Everyone seeing and yet so blind.
    I feel I'm loosing it.
    Left it behind.
    Passing crowds of faceless names.
    Not yet ready for the games they play.
    Death greets us with open arms.
    Looking as though he can do no harm.
    Fear trapped seen through clouded eyes.
    I feel like a slave to my broken mind.
    Brain and body torn to ribbons.
    Glass peices on the ground.
    My world shattered again just after I rebuilt it.
    Taring my flesh and thoughts again.
    I try to rebuild my world again.
    But I'm leaving my peices of glass behind this time.

    Cry for Help
    All memories give me such pain.
    Arguments ensue.
    Bruises return.
    Tears stream down angry faces.
    Depresson grips me yet again.
    My bruises never faded.
    Blood rains down in sacred streams.
    Sorrow grips me pulling me down paths long forgotten.
    I hide from everyone.
    I hide even from myself.
    Pain and fear surround me.
    I hate my family anymore.
    They cause me such sorrow.
    I need to be saved from my family.
    I just need to forget my pain.
    Sealed inside scared of what I may do.
    How much more of this can I take before these knives just look to good.
    Ensnared in thoughts of self demise.
    No one hearing my anguished cries.

    Forsaken
    Crying.
    Pain suffers through the dark and desolant night.
    My mind is against me.
    Death is at my door.
    I hear nim knocking.
    Falme surround me.
    The gate way to hell stares me in the face.
    My book ends shortly.
    Fate signed me into destruction.
    Brimestone curses me into darkness.
    I contemplate death at finest hours.
    I have been forsaken.
    They want me dead.
    So thats what I'll do kill myself.

    Dreamers *this was writen for Jason)
    Silence surrounds me.
    It deafens.
    I didn't know it could be so loud.
    My love flys out to you.
    On the silver wings of a dream.
    Thats the only place I'm with you.
    Or so it seems.
    I miss you.
    Your smile; just thinking of it makes me happy.
    Your soft caresses make me lust.
    Those eyes; they still hypnotize me.
    What I wouldn't give to be wrapped up in your arms.
    Every night I fly to you.
    On silver wings that whisper, "I love you."
    Can you hear me?

    Personal Ghosts
    Screams and scorns.
    Thats all I ever hear.
    Belittled for beliefs.
    Lied about for fear.
    Trapped in my mind.
    Pain shrouds.
    Hate surounds.
    I fall further into darkness.
    I'm not needed anymore.
    I can tell.
    All they do is scream, and fight, and yell.
    I'm what they use to feel better.
    I was asked once how I hold all this in.
    The trueth is I don't know.
    My hate manifests into thoughts of death.
    My own self loath from years of strong mental abuse.
    I don't trust my mind.
    I hate to be alone all the time.
    For fear of what I may do.
    People stare now.
    I glare back.
    They turn away.
    I don't care.
    But I deal with them.
    I have to.
    They are my ghosts.
    Ghosts of the past.
    Ghosts of my pain.
    Fear.
    Hate.
    Lies.
    Ghosts that lay only in my mind.
    My own fears and hate.
    Multiplied several times.
    And more so when I become the subject.
    The world is out to get me.
    And I don't care.

    Bliss
    I'm in to deep now.
    Darkness screams.
    Fire ebs.
    Hate manifests in a strange way.
    Does anybody care?
    Is there even anyone out there?
    I hate you, your perfect life, a perfect lie.
    Death comes to us ata weird ass time.
    I'm afriad.
    I'm to young to die.
    Sulfer blazes, brimstone flares.
    Fire burns and I don't care.
    Death is to good for them.
    Hate too deep.
    They hate me, I hate them back.
    They die, I lie, death ingorous us.
    Bliss consumes me.

    Hate
    Trapped in the prison of my mind.
    Hate and fear surround me.
    Chains bind my wrists to the wall.
    Blood drips from my arms and down my sides.
    As dark and bleak as the blackest night.
    No stars or moon could break the darkness.
    A pool of blood surounds my feet.
    Eyes filled with sorrow and disconcern.
    I hate the world.
    The people in it, I can't stand.
    They all want me dead now.
    I know why.
    I let them think.
    I don't care.
    I hate them.
    I just want to lay down and cry.
    Maybe even die.
    You hate me.
    I know you do.
    Stop pretending, kill me already.
    Thats what your doing.
    Slowly you kill me.
    I hate you.
    Please save me.
    My only.
    My love.
    I'm deep into this now.
    So far into depression.
    Its hard to see.
    I can't see past the knives.
    The blades just waiting to be painted red.
    Scribbled with blood.

    Still Beating On
    She suffered now in sweet silence.
    Her pain lost behind angelic eyes.
    She smiled at them and put on a brave face.
    Her enemy her own heart.
    You betrayed me, she thought angrily.
    Her heart only beat backa story of love.
    I hate you, she thought.
    It continued to beat.
    Why can't you leave me alone, she cried.
    Every one turned to stare.
    Her heart beat thudding loudly in the silent room.
    Silence... Please I must have quiet!
    Her heart began to pound.
    She plunged a knife into her chest.
    Silence swarmed around her shadows bouncing around.
    She is now in her eternal dream.
    She glanced at her love and smiled.
    She was no in death happy.
    For once.

    Pain
    Darkness forms around sad eyes.
    Why did she have to die?
    Her love was gone left her again.
    Now she's trapped admisdt the sorrow within.
    Blood trickles down like tears.
    Black clouds roll in throughout the night.
    Flame rain down in all its might.
    Sorrow surounds her in all its blight.
    Hate filled her now, in all its painful insight.
    As she looked at the ground now so far below.
    It was still so painful to go.
    She wanted her love, but he was gone now.
    This was her last grand adventure.
    Death and after life that had begun at the end of a knife.

    These have all been copy righten to me... if you try to steal them I will find you and hurting is the last thing on the list of things I will do to you but it is on there...
    10:59p
    Advanced Global Personality Test Results
    Extraversion |||||||||||||| 56%
    Stability |||| 16%
    Orderliness |||||| 30%
    Altruism |||||||||||||||| 63%
    Interdependence |||||||||||| 50%
    Intellectual |||||||||||| 50%
    Mystical |||||||||||||||||| 76%
    Artistic |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
    Religious |||||||||| 36%
    Hedonism |||||| 23%
    Materialism |||||||||| 36%
    Narcissism |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
    Adventurousness |||||||||||||||| 63%
    Work ethic |||||||||||||||| 63%
    Self absorbed |||||||||| 36%
    Conflict seeking |||||||||| 36%
    Need to dominate |||||||||||||||||||| 83%
    Romantic |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
    Avoidant |||||||||||| 50%
    Anti-authority |||||||||||||||||| 76%
    Wealth |||||| 23%
    Dependency |||||||||||| 50%
    Change averse |||||||||||||||| 63%
    Cautiousness |||||||||||| 50%
    Individuality |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
    Sexuality |||||||||||||||||| 76%
    Peter pan complex |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
    Physical security |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
    Physical Fitness |||||||||||||||| 64%
    Histrionic |||||||||||||||| 63%
    Paranoia |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
    Vanity |||||||||||||||||| 76%
    Hypersensitivity |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
    Female cliche |||||||||||||||| 63%
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    personality tests by similarminds.com

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